Diante do pavor das lágrimas que se
agarravam no nada em sua tentativa
inútil de fugir dos motivos que tinha
para chorar me calei.
Calei.
Abismado, vi o sorriso recusar-se a
sorri, vi o “senão” fingir ser a
certeza e fazer crer não haver outro
jeito.
Também vi a certeza, atormentada,
encher-se de dúvidas e se calar.
Dúvidas, malditas dúvidas!
O medo, sujeito fraco, nojento,
desperta o medo e rouba a paz.
Paz, que paz?
Como ter paz quando a paz me
abandonou?
Calei!
Diante do assombro das faces me calei.
Vi medos, admissão do terror, que
horror!
Bater à porta ao entrar, passar para os
outros as minhas incertezas e deixar
ficar como se nada tivesse a ver.
Enfim, o gosto amargo do medo!
O pânico e a minha incapacidade de
engolir mais este trago.
Ironia!
O silêncio me assusta mas diante das
faces assustada, me refugio, quero
ficar sozinho.
As noites escuras me amedrontam,
as madrugadas me incomodam,
quero ser amado mas tenho medo de
me apaixonar.
Os eventos da vida nada mais são
que desencontros.
São só desencontros.
O Observador - Chuy, dezembro de 2015.
$
Mismatch
I fell silent.
Faced with the terror of the tears that
clung to nothingness in their futile attempt
to escape the reasons I had
to cry, I fell silent.
I fell silent.
Stunned, I watched the smile refuse to
smile; I watched the “but” pretend to be
certainty and make me believe there was
no other way.
I also saw certainty, tormented,
fill with doubts and fall silent.
Doubts, damned doubts!
Fear, that weak, loathsome thing,
stirs up fear and steals peace.
Peace, what peace?
How can I have peace when peace has
abandoned me?
I fell silent!
Faced with the horror of those faces,
I also saw certainty, tormented,
fill with doubts and fall silent.
Doubts, damned doubts!
Fear, that weak, loathsome thing,
stirs up fear and steals peace.
Peace, what peace?
How can I have peace when peace has
abandoned me?
I fell silent!
Faced with the horror of those faces,
I fell silent.
I saw fears, an admission of terror what
a horror!
Knocking on the door as I enter, passing on
my uncertainties to others and leaving
it as if it had nothing to do with me.
At last, the bitter taste of fear!
Panic and my inability to
swallow this bitter pill.
Irony!
Silence frightens me, but in the face of
frightened faces, I take refuge; I want
to be alone.
Dark nights terrify me,
the early mornings disturb me,
I want to be loved but I’m afraid to
fall in love.
Life’s events are nothing more
than missed connections.
They’re just missed connections.
I saw fears, an admission of terror what
a horror!
Knocking on the door as I enter, passing on
my uncertainties to others and leaving
it as if it had nothing to do with me.
At last, the bitter taste of fear!
Panic and my inability to
swallow this bitter pill.
Irony!
Silence frightens me, but in the face of
frightened faces, I take refuge; I want
to be alone.
Dark nights terrify me,
the early mornings disturb me,
I want to be loved but I’m afraid to
fall in love.
Life’s events are nothing more
than missed connections.
They’re just missed connections.
$
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